Today in Sacrament one of the older ladies in our ward was bearing her testimony and she made the comment that it's good to be old because you can look back and reflect on your life. She said she's able to remember times when she was blessed even though she probably didn't deserve it and she could remember times when blessings were withheld because she wasn't grateful for what she had.
This hit me hard and was one of those times when I felt instantly chastised. I have had a hard time adjusting to this new life with a baby and I have taken a generally negative attitude about it all. After hearing her testimony I couldn't help but resolve to change my attitude. I was so ashamed to think that I might be giving up blessings because I am too caught up in the small, hard things that I'm dealing with right now. To help get me back on track, and to make sure I don't forget all of the good things in my life I made a list of some of the things I am grateful for:
1. A baby who sleeps really well, even if it's only when someone is holding him. This is first on my list because it's the one I'm most negative about. Ethan is a really good sleeper when someones holding him, but as soon as I put him down he's awake. This makes it hard when it comes to me getting some rest, but in light of my new attitude, at least he sleeps.
2. A husband who is really supportive and loving. I don't know that I'll ever be able to express my appreciation to the fullest, but Travis is so great to me. He tries to be there for me, to help out where he can, and he's a great father. He's got a lot on his plate right now with work, school, an emotional wife, and a new baby, but I think he's handling it wonderfully.
3. A good job. I never thought I'd be a working mom, but at this point, I have to be, and though I'm really scared about learning to manage, I'm glad I have a way to help where it's needed.
4. A healthy body and a gym membership. I felt so fragile after giving birth during recovery; I never knew it would take such a toll on me. I'm almost back to normal and for Christmas Travis signed me up at the YMCA, which I am so happy about. I love exercising and can't help but walk in and out of that place with a grin on my face.
I've never been one to be able to pinpoint which things in my life bring about certain blessings, but I know that I'm really blessed. Sometimes I just need to be reminded of that from someone besides Travis or my dad. I'm glad I went to church today.
3 comments:
It's good that you are finding the silver lining, again. Have you tried to let Ethan cry it out for a couple minutes at a time? It is really hard, but it could-might-maybe help? Not that I am great at it, but when I reach my end and I let Kyce...he sleeps better. According to Shantel...it helps with Mason, too.
I let Rylan cry sometimes, and Serena hates it. She usually wakes up, comes out to see what is wrong. If he has been fed, and changed, not much else to do. He cries for a few minutes, gets exhausted from doing so, and falls right to sleep. I wish we were closer so we could have some others with newborns to share with. Miss you guys.....
It is so much fun to watch you and Travis making your family. I can tell from your comments ( and what I know about you both) that you are wonderful parents. You are both smart and loving. You will find the comfort zone for the hard adjustments of parenthood. Some things just take time.
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