39 weeks. That's a big number to type. I can't believe time has gone and that this little baby will be here any day. I've tried to busy myself with any project possible to try and cope with the nervousness I feel about this upcoming change in our life. Trying not to imagine what it will be like. For me, I think it's best not think about these kinds of huge changes because I tend jump straight to worst case scenario. This time, with this change, I'm trying to be ok with taking things in stride. I'll try my best every day and hopefully when I lay down for what little sleep there is to be had I'll be proud of the job I did.
Lately my mind has been wandering to this new little one we're about to have and I often wonder how she'll be different and how it's possible I could feel like someone else is meant for me the way I feel that Ethan is. I suppose this is a pretty normal thing for someone in my current situation. Something probably most second time mothers think. And I know it's something I shouldn't worry about-that it will all work itself out-but it's one of those things you can't really help. Still, its nice when something comes along and puts your mind at ease. For me, it was a quote I came across a few weeks ago. It was attributed to C.S. Lewis though I can't verify that, and I'm also sure it's taken out of the original context, but it meant something to me.
"Like the warming of a room or the coming of daylight. When you first notice them they have already been going on for sometime."
When I think about loving another little baby the way I love Ethan it almost doesn't seem like I have enough of me to give. Reading this quote, through the lens of motherhood, helped me feel that it's ok to not know how I'm going to find more of myself to give. When this little one enters the world it will be like opening my eyes and realizing its morning. The sun, and the love, is already there, I just need to realize it.
3 comments:
I love the quote. I love the picture. You look beautiful!
Beautiful post! It's amazing how our hearts grow with each child. Good luck with your delivery!
What lovely thoughts you recorded in this post. John's mom gave me a Family Circle cartoon once that was a conversation between two women. One lady asked the mother of Family circle: "How do you divide your love between all your children?" The mother answered, "I don't divide, I multiply."
And that is so true... there is just more love than we can imagine to share with all our wonderful family members. You will be an awesome mother - again!
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